Our last day was tainted with a small grey cloud. A baby we thought we were expecting, turned out not to be.
We tumbled out of the sleeper train, via the dentist and trooped into the scan clinic altogether.
As the sonographer measured up what she saw on the screen, I could tell from her manner that something wasn't right. So I wasn't surprised when she said she couldn't detect a heartbeat but recommended we check it out again when we got back to Jerusalem.
The Lozenge, fascinated by the screen, broke the ice: 'Is there a baby in there Mummy? Did you lay an egg already? Like a chicken?'
We laughed.
As I lay there, with the truth trickling through my mind like water through gaps in pebbles, I turned and looked at three pairs of eyes all looking back at me. My beloved J, Rashimi with a bed head slumped on his knee, the Lozenge with the remains of a chocolate croissant around his mouth, leaning against the bed I was on. And I wondered at the fortune of having those three beating hearts in the room, and in my life. There wasn't much space for sadness, and as J and I agreed later, it wasn't like we'd lost anything, or gained anything. Situation neutral. Something of a nothing, with nature in charge. As best she does it.
And as the song goes: 'Two out of three aint bad.'
We tumbled out of the sleeper train, via the dentist and trooped into the scan clinic altogether.
As the sonographer measured up what she saw on the screen, I could tell from her manner that something wasn't right. So I wasn't surprised when she said she couldn't detect a heartbeat but recommended we check it out again when we got back to Jerusalem.
The Lozenge, fascinated by the screen, broke the ice: 'Is there a baby in there Mummy? Did you lay an egg already? Like a chicken?'
We laughed.
As I lay there, with the truth trickling through my mind like water through gaps in pebbles, I turned and looked at three pairs of eyes all looking back at me. My beloved J, Rashimi with a bed head slumped on his knee, the Lozenge with the remains of a chocolate croissant around his mouth, leaning against the bed I was on. And I wondered at the fortune of having those three beating hearts in the room, and in my life. There wasn't much space for sadness, and as J and I agreed later, it wasn't like we'd lost anything, or gained anything. Situation neutral. Something of a nothing, with nature in charge. As best she does it.
And as the song goes: 'Two out of three aint bad.'
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